I'm OCD

Don't judge me because of this.

So I found out I'm OCD.. You NEVER touch my hands PERIOD.. Unless I see you wash or sanitize your first don't touch my hands! My touch my hands with my face.. Sometimes when I'm really annoyed I bite my nails.. So never ever ever touch my hands. I never realized it until someone told me I was OCD and then I started reading into it and I am.. Along with my Dr saying I am also. Then we realized my 3.5 year old is also OCD.. The things she does she has to do 5-6 times before its "right".. But with me I just wash my hands and sanitize my hands all the time!

When me adn my husband started talking about it I realized how long I have been like this. My Dad used to make me rub his feet.. I would gag the whole time and then wash my hand 12 different times until they felt clean.. Which they never did and I would keep washing them repeatedly. If I ever touch a bug I would have to wash my hands.. If a fly touches me or lands on my food or drink.. I will not touch them again they go into the trash can. And then I wash my hands over and over again!

The other day I had to shake one of my husbands NCO's hands and I didn't want to be rude and jump up and wash my hands.. So I sat there without any hand sanitizer.. I thought I was going to throw up. I washed my hands 7 times after he left..

So we have decided that the next time I have to go to a unit function or whatever and have to meet and shake hands.. I will just tell them I'm OCD and I can't shake someone hand without knowing/SEEING they have washed or sanitized them! And I wont say it in a rude way but I will be honest about it. Because I really don't think these people want me to puke on them because I probably will!

So anyways the husband and I are trying to find some humor in this. Because if I don't then I will get upset about it.. So hubby and I have been joking about it saying he can't touch me or whatever because of my OCD! ha

So whooop go me I'm OCD! haha

My first rotton day in a long long time..

Today I had an appointment and a friend of mine was going to go with me to help out with all the kids. Well last minute she canceled.. Fine, I was okay with that no big deal! So I get everyone ready to go and get the twins in their car seats get out to the van and load them up... I don't have a booster seat for one of the girls! Wow so I had to unload the twins.. Which are not light in their seats take them back inside.. Run down my 3 year old and 18 month old who decided to pitch a fit because we wasn't leaving anymore.THEN I had to call and reschedule my appointment! Then on top of all that.. Little boy (one of the twins) will NOT take any kinds of formula. We have tired different brands and different kinds.. He wont take any of at all.. The only thing he will take is whole milk. I don't want to give it to him but thats the only kind of milk he will take. I never gave my kids whole milk before 11 months and at 11 months I was giving a little at a time up until a year old. Now I have developed a headache what fun this day is.. I can't wait for the hubby to get home so he can take over... I just want to drink some wine but I can't and I'm not.. UGH Today sucks so bad!

Hanging on by a thread

So the email/facebook wall post from H's uncle is really getting to me.. Not that fact that he wrongfully accused me of something I would never do... But the fact that DH wont say anything to him about it. The past couple of days Dh and I haven't really talked to each other. Last night I finally gave in and all he could say is.. "you're a big girl you can handle things on your own" No I can't when it comes to his family no he needs to step up and defend his WIFE and FAMILY! I told him I'm about done and I can't take much more.. If he can't take up for ME,US OR OUR FAMILY then there is no reason for us to be together. In May we will be together for 6 years, in July married for 5 years. Isn't it about time he starts taking up for us? I guess not and I'm not sticking around much longer if he can't. I'm not "allowed" to say anything to his family when it comes to defending myself. But he has no problem stepping up and saying something to my family. I know better then to even try and defend myself with his family because I'm nothing but a "liar" and looking for drama. I'm just tired, wore out and sick of being treated like crap. I mom has done it for 36 years but I am NOT my mother. I can't take it and I wont take it. I love DH I really do but the more he lets his family do this to me.. The love is slowly fading away. I don't want to leave the life I have because I love every minute of it.. But I won't stick around and let him let his family run me over. No matter how much I try and "cut the ties" between them and us.. They are STILL my husbands family and in his eyes they are perfect and can do no wrong. Even though he has seen first hand what his family does.. They are still perfect in every single way. I would hate to leave him because of his family... But when is it enough? I can't take the stress of his family and him sitting back and doing nothing. Even when I try and say something back he sides with them saying I'm in the wrong and I should just shut up and leave it alone.

So its ok to be call a bad mother? A low life? My husband and kids deserve better then me? Its not ok I KNOW I'm a great mother to my children.. My try to be the best wife I can be to DH.. And the reason I'm failing at that is because of his family. But I'm not a failure I have WONDERFUL accomplishments in my life. I have 4 wonderful kids who (to me) are the best.. I have a 3.5 year old who is super smart. She can count to 10 in English and Spanish. She knows Spanish and Chinese and speaks them fluently. His family doesn't affect me when it comes to my kids..I take DAMN GOOD care of my children. They affect me when it comes to my marriage. But DH doesn't see it and I hope he does before its to late.

I was praying for a "smooth" deployment but with less then 10 weeks away... I don't know what to think about it. All I can do it make it work to the best of my ability and make things as smooth as possible. But I am only 1 person I can only do so much.

Picking my own battles!

I heard a disgusting story the other day about a so-called Army
spouse who, due to immaturity, arrogance, selfishness, and
overwhelming ignorance wanted their spouse to throw away a career..
.and this person claimed to "know all about it." I find this person the
most pathetic example of pure horsehit on two legs I have ever
seen. I also vowed to make them an enemy they will never get
away from should the smart one in the family take this fuck-head
advice. Know all about what? BULLSHIT! I know how to make lives
miserable - "trust me!!!""

I heard something that really pissed me off and I don't care if it gets me kicked off FaceBook (it's a time-suck anyway). DO NOT SCREW UP YOUR LIFE by listening to some dumbass, ignorant bullshit from someone who is completely selfish and uninformed! The worst thing you can do is fuck up your military career by manipulating to get out. As someone who REALLY knows (one of my jobs was to screen people for sniper school, early discharges, etc) - if you are caught creating a situation you can be subject to UCMJ action. Now tell that individual to keep the fuck quiet! Sorry, Rick, I love you too much to see you get sucked into this idiotic nonsense.
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These are 2 emails H and I got tonight from his uncle. I am picking my own battles here and this is one not worth fighting. My husband is fixing to deploy for a year to AFGHANISTAN... And when they try and get me going it always ends be and husband in a fight. Its not worth it at all.. These people are hurting me in so many ways.. I can't handle people degrading me like that.. I mean I have a really bad past and when people degrade me like this.. I kills me.. This time I am just letting it go. Its not worth my tears or husband and I fighting. I love the fact that husband is in the army.. Who don't love a man in uniform?! LOL I have never once tried to get him out.. No even in my dreams.. We have joked about me cutting his leg off before he deploys so he can't.. lol But in all honestly hes excited about deploying without the military he wouldn't be able to see other countries like hes able to now. Even though its a war zone hes excited!

I need some "happy pills"

I need something to keep me going.. Today was post wide clean up day or some BS like that. So hubby was home until 3:30 and he had to leave for PT. He left I look for him to be home around 5-5:15 every day spending on if he gets caught by the flag or not. Anyways, he calls me at 5 only to tell me today is one of his SGT's Birthday and they are having a big to-do about it. And he HAD to be there.. Really? Its just a damn birthday.. Other people might not care and might want to be with their families. So this stupid party don't even start until 6:30 tonight but he wasn't allowed to come home he had to go straight over to the party. I'm sorry but sometimes the army is just GAY.. Its just a freaking birthday and your 1 more year older than you were last year.. Whoopie-freakin-dooo

So our plans on cooking steaks tonight went to hell.. I can't grill because I don't know how to use our new grill so whatever. While I was in the kitchen cooking my oldest and middle child got out the diaper cream and got it everywhere! Normally or on a normal day the twin and my middle child go to bed at 7-7:30.. Nope not tonight the twins were givin baths and they are in bed. Once I feed the other 2 they will get baths and they will go to bed also. Days like this I need some "me" time.. Unfortunately the only "me" time I will get is when I pop the top off my wine. And I can't even do that until H gets home!

I know this is what being a mother and a military wife is about.. But damn today has just not been my day!

Bitching Over!

Big scare!

I got my tubes tied with my last pregnancy. It was a fight because I am so young. We have 4 kids very close in age and I knew I didn't want anymore children. Its been almost 8 months since I had this done. My period has been on time every single month. This month I was 2 weeks late it scared me, really bad! I took a HPT and 2 came back pos and 2 came back neg. The 2 that where neg were digi and the 2 pos were walmart brand. I went to the doctor and come to find out things like that happen to some people after having their tubed tied. Wow did I ever feel like a tard! I'm happy more then ever that I'm pregnant. I had talked to DH and he said if by chance I was he wanted to keep it. Umm hello husband you wont have to take care of it I will! I got my tubed tied for a reason and that was because I didn't want anymore children. I had it in my head I wanted to give it up. We can't afford it nor can I handle it. Right now we are living "comfortable" and another child just wouldn't work. It would have been slim it I was pregnant that it would have ended anyways. I personally wouldn't want to keep a child I KNEW I couldn't give it what it needed. My whole family was in an uproar about the whole thing. All you need to do it love it and that will work. No it wouldn't! I had 6 brothers and sister and we lived a very poor life. Living with with people, in motels and where ever anyone would let us stay. I never was able to go to the doctor or anything.. If I got sick I was told to "deal with it you can handle it!" I know being military we wouldn't have to worry about them seeing doctors and all. But we wouldn't be living as comfortable as we are now. But in the end all turned out well and I am so thankful!

Introducing myself

My husband and I have been together for 6 crazy years. We have 4 beautiful children way too close together. My husband has been in the Military (Army) for 1 year so far and is set to deploy this year to Afghanistan. I'm a Stay at home Mom until they all start to school then I plan on going back to work. I love being a SAHM but I will be glad to be able to go back to school or work for something.

Between H and I we have been through so much together. But come the end of the day we are happy as ever. We have a beautiful healthy family and everything is great! I wanted some place to bitch and moan about whatever I wanted to and so I decided to come here.. If you feel offended by anything I write or say.. Please feel free to move along to the next blog.